Shari

I just received the phone call and knew. Shari left his body during the night. He did not suffer and died in my parent's arms. He is now in peace. What happens now? Is his spirit still at home and for how long? When we die, we leave our bodies but are still here for a while. How does it all work? Last night, before going to bed, I sent him Reiki...but with the time difference, he was already gone. This morning, I decided to send him energy to help him on his outer body journey, but it didn't work. He does not need the energy anymore. I wish I could know the stages...

Many years ago, I had a dream where the whole universe was explained to me. Life, death, what happens before and after...everything was just so clear, so simple. Yet, I woke up remembering I had this amazing dream, but forgot all the teachings!

I am surprised I am writing right now and not collapsing the way I did when my first dog died. Maybe I have grown, maybe I have gained in understanding...What worries me most right now, is my father. I don't think he has ever experienced any one's death. He wasn't there when our first dog died. He didn't witness what happens...My mother told me she had to take him to the doctor (my father) because he started bleeding from his nose. Unfortunately, he does not believe in a mind/body connection. For him, the body is like a mechanical machine. Strangely enough, after our first dog's death, he developed arrhythmia. Three weeks before retiring, the same day his colleagues gave him gifts and said good bye, he almost went into cardiac arrest. So, what now?

I cannot stop and cry for ever, and the only thing I can do is send reiki to my father. The energy will only go to him if he accepts it, otherwise, it will go to the earth, where it is needed. Even though my father doesn't believe in that stuff, his inner wisdom might still accept the energy...who knows?

I don't think I am realizing...maybe I'm still in denial. It will hit me when I go home in 2 months...thank God, I have my dog and my cat here with me. Actually, I got Bindu, my dog, 4 years ago, to prepare myself for Today. I am not alone, Bindu and Tinka, my cat, are still here.

Ok, now I need to cancel my next exam...there is no way I can focus on preparing for an exam on Saturday. And, by the way, I have the worst exam on Tuesday...How do I keep it together? Because of that program I wasn't able to go home to say goodbye to Shari!!! (anger: second stage of Kubler-Ross!)

Letting go

As the Buddha said: "Life is suffering". One must learn to let go and surrender to a greater power. I have come to realize that all my life, I had been resisting change. As if I were driving with the breaks on! Life is change, life is impermanence. Everything dies...nothing remains. Holding on to impermanent things causes suffering.

As we are taught during Vipassana meditations, we must observe without resisting or grasping. While meditating, we experience physical pain and must learn to observe without judging and note the impermanence of the sensations. As we just observe without resisting, the painful sensations eventually disappear...and we realize that sensations, just like emotions, are impermanent. There is no need to grasp, no need to resist. Everything is in a continuous flow. Also, when we experience a good sensation during meditation, just like the one I have experienced...a feeling of bliss, of pure energy; we must not hold on to it either, because it is impermanent! As soon as I became aware of this pleasant sensation, it vanished and I was brought back to my senses!

The same goes with raw food. We must not become attached to it. We must let it unfold in a natural way. As our body detoxes, we become naturally attracted to those foods, activities, and people that are healthy for us. It is not a struggle anymore, just a way of life. But what happens when we are offered a cooked, so called unhealthy food? Should we remain attached to our habit or just accept it with appreciation? How do we deal with being a raw vegan and making exceptions?

When I was in the monastery, the food we were served was wholesome and strictly vegetarian. But, as we signed up for the retreat, we were asked about our eating habits. At that time I wasn't raw yet. During the course of the retreat, as we were being taught not to attach to impermanent objects, thoughts, sensations, or habits, we were also taught not to be attached to our eating habits. One day, instead of the usual succulent vegetarian meal with fruits, we were only served white bread as a meal. This was to teach us to let go. Although unhealthy, exceptionally eating white bread was not going to kill us. So, even wanting to be healthy is a form of attachment. It should not be the focus of our lives. In the Buddhist tradition; liberation from our worldly attachment is the goal. Freedom from suffering is only attained once we let go and remove the veil of ignorance.

As for eating animals, this is another question. The main reason I am not eating animals is an ethical and spiritual one. "Thou shall not kill" is certainly the most important commandment in all religions and it is one I choose to respect in its entirety.

The China Study

I am listening to the audio book "The China Study" and it is fascinating. This study is based on years of scientific research conducted by some of the most prominent researchers in the field of bio-chemistry and nutrition. Basically, the main point I am getting is that animal protein = cancer. They conducted studies with rats and fed them either 5% animal protein or 20% animal protein. Both groups were injected with a cancer provoking agent. Results demonstrated that the group consuming only 5% protein did not develop cancerous tumours, whereas the group consuming the 20% protein had full blown tumors. Furthermore, the study also demonstrated that the tumor growth could be "switched on or off" by alternating the diet.

Now, how do I apply this knowledge to my dog who is currently dying of cancer? I am pushing for my mother, to feed him only raw foods. I have now told her to refrain from feeding him any animal protein or fats. Also, referring to the previous study, it seems that casein is one of the most prominent carcinogens. Casein is found in dairy products.

I am afraid that in the case of my dog, it might be too late...too many years of poor nutrition! I have been raw for 9 months now and have explained the main concepts and advantages to my parents...but, they have resisted almost all recommendations I have given them.

So, do I believe that we create our own illnesses: yes, definitely! What about our pets? Do they create their own illnesses? No, we do that for them!!!! Now, how do I deal with the fact that I do blame my mother for doing things her way and not wanting to learn about health? Did she do the best she could with her limited knowledge? Or didn't she? She has resisted the idea of eating organic, not wanting to spend the extra money...and I don't even mention my father. He basically disagrees with whatever I have to say!

I am aware that being resentful is only going to hurt me and that blaming my parents is not going to help them deal with their imminent loss. I need to find it within me and forgive them for their errors.

I guess we all learn in time. Some take much longer to learn their lessons. I know of people who have lost family members to cancer and have had other family members suffering strokes. Even though they have witnessed the incompetence of the medical establishment in the area of cancer, they still hold on to their blind faith and their old unhealthy habits. It is sad that, for some people, in order to learn, they need to be literally "hit in the face". Things could go more smoothly if we just followed our own inner wisdom and did not live out of fear.

I have heard some of the raw foodists talking about lifting a veil, the veil of ignorance. That, by purifying our bodies, we begin to see things more clearly and to become aware of the illusory nature of things. I think they are right...I feel my understanding is becoming clearer and I witness the ignorance that plagues a majority of the population. Ok, that sounds elitist. How can I explain this without sounding pedantic? Sometimes, I feel that I am light years away from others. That I see the connection between our acts and the consequences...that everything is just as it should be and that nothing happens by coincidence. We create our own reality by the words we speak, the actions we perform, and the thoughts we have. I just wish I knew more people who feel the same way!

Death does not exist. There is no death!

My emotions are like on a roller coaster...trying to deal with my dog's illness is a challenge. There is also this belief that I have that my father will not be able to live without his dog. He calls him doctor. The dog is his only true friend, his only companion. My father is a very lonely man who does not realize the connection between mind and body. After our first dog died, my father developped arithmia. A few years ago, his heart almost stopped and he had to have a pacemaker implanted. So, yes, that worries me!

On the other hand, I am physically feeling incredibly good. I feel light and energetic. Lately, I have been having green smoothies regularly, been eating mainly sprouts and germinated legumes and have added superfoods. I feel so energized that it is almost a contradiction to feel sad.

So, to deal with the current situation, I am repeating myself that death does not exist. The body dies, but the "me" the "essence" is immortal and remains. Even though I have experienced this a few years ago in a meditative state, I tend to forget. During this wonderful experience, my body dissolved, I was pure energy moving up and down. It was blissful and lasted just long enough for me to become aware of it. As soon as I realized what was happening and thought I had reached nirvana (haha) I brutally came back to my senses...As I had been taught; do not resist bad sensations and do not try to hold on to agreable sensations either!! Everything is impermanent! Life is change and nothing remains. All is energy.

When do you give up hope and prepare for the inevitable?

Today is going to be a long, therapeutic post. I am trying to process a bad news! I have been spending the last years learning about natural cures for cancer and how to prevent it. Actually, it has almost been an obsession...I questioned myself as to why I had such an interest. Was is because of my best friend's death, was it because of all the people I saw dying while working at a hospital when I was 19, or was it meeting people in the last stages while volunteering at the hospice, maybe it was my 12-year-old cousin diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor? What was it that sparked that passion for health, that interest in natural medicines. Was it that my first dog died of cancer? Well, in the last days, more than usual, I have been collecting info and videos on the raw foods diet and the Hippocrates diet, posting links on facebook and sending tons of info to my friend, whose mother has just been diagnosed. With all the knowledge I have accumulated over the last years, I do feel that I have found the answers to my questions and that I do know how to prevent such illnesses. Of course, as a therapist, I must acknowledge that not only the food we eat, but the repressed emotions and anger also affect our immune system. Being healthy is a 4-level process. 1.We need to consider what we put in our bodies, be it food, water and all other substances we apply to our skin. We are what we eat! 2.We also need to take into consideration our environment, not only check for toxicity, but also be aware of our connection to nature. To be healthy, we must be connected to nature. There is a whole field about this theory called ecopsychology. 3. We need to look at our emotions and release repressed anger, resentment, sadness, and stresses. This is certainly the hardest part of all because it is not tangible. But, as we detox by eating a living diet, we also release emotions and evolve on a spiritual level. 4. Spirituality: while I worked with dying people, I noticed that the ones dying in peace were those with faith. Having faith and knowing that we are not alone is very important. Realizing that we are all connected is crucial. So, to come back to my title, when do we have to give up hope and accept death? I guess for humans, as long as there is a will to live, we should keep hope. As Brian Clement, director of the Hippocrates Institute, said in one of his lectures; "those who make it are not those who say I hope I will get better, but those who say I will get better". What about animals? Actually, I was going to begin my post with this. Writing is a therapeutic tool and I am taking full advantage of it right now, in order to keep my sanity. I would be so happy to hear from others :) This morning, my mother told me that my dog has been diagnosed with cancer and has only little time left to live. My parents live in Switzerland, and because my dog is 14, I decided one month ago to buy a plane ticket, in order to see him one last time. But, it seems I will not be given that chance, since I have to wait until mid-August before I can go. I don't think I will be able to say goodbye. It feels I have all the answers, but in this case, I feel totally powerless. There is nothing I can do from so far away but rely on my parents to do their best. For a few weeks I have been encouraging my mother to juice wheatgrass and give some to our dog. Lately, he has been having trouble walking. I also told her to feed him live organic foods. But, what to do when my own parents don't follow my beliefs and don't really understand the benefits of organic, let alone raw foods. My mother did try it and still makes an effort, but, is she willing to go out of her way to find a wheatgrass juicer in Switzerland? Or even buy the supplements and superfoods? I think my parents already gave up hope!